She has never been here before. So low, so sad. Her heart pounds through her chest, tears races down her cheeks. Trying to maintain her emotion she takes a deep breathe. She presses the brakes and pulls her Volkswagon over. Pulls down her visor to look at herself in the mirror. Red eyes, red cheeks, tears streaming down her face. It didn't happen. How could he do that to me? Didn't he love me? These questions turned in her mind. She touched her stomach, she needed to puke. He lied. Foever, loving her always, always being there for her... all lies. She didn't care what he had said now. None of it was true. His definition of forever and hers were appearently not the same thing. The more she thought about it the more she hated him. Hated the every thought of him, hated to have ever known him. Hated that she spent so much time to know him. All of the times she spent these months. What would have happened if she didnt know him? It was foolish thinking because the fact was she knew him. She spent her time with him. She pulls her volkswagon out and starts down the street again. The thought of him filled her mind. He was tall with blue eyes. He smelled like heaven when she sat next to him. She didn't really think Heaven had a smell to it but if it did it would smell just like him. He had this confident that glowed from his body, walked just like he owned the world. He said he'd love her forever...but how long was forever?
They met many months ago. How long? No one really remembers but it didn't matter. It was long enough. She worked in a gym those many months ago. He entered, he enterend with so much confident. She was knew at work, he must be a regular. Those muscles that his arm bares, yes he must be a regular. She catches his sight and he returned a smile. She must meet him but she's too shy. She's not that kind of a girl. Don't get me wrong she's pretty with that long blonde hair. Her body fit for the 6 mile marathon she is training for in the spring.
"He doens't look like a guy with too many thoughts, just another one of those" she says to herself and walk away. She must walk away. Days past and he keeps returning and she keeps staring.
"One of these days you're going to have to stop looking at me and just go out on a date with me."
These words shot through her hears. Her cheeks burned with intensity as the voice came from behind her. He was standing right behind her. So close she saw his veins in his arms. He was too close, he came too suddenly. She was not ready. She just didn't know how not ready she was.
"I don't date guys like you" she replies. Waiting for his reply her heart beat raced.
"You don't even know what kind of a guy I am."
He was right she didn't, she could assume though.
"One date..." He states, all he needed was just one date.
One date was all it took. He was sweet. Roses, any color. Not picked or cut roses, the ones that lasts forever in a pot. Chocolate, not for her for him. He bought them for her but he knew she didn't like chocolate. It was just an excuse for him to eat chocolate yet appear thoughtful. Nice restaurants on weekends and fast food for the week days. Cut daisies for her mother, hand shake for her father and candies for her sister. He knew what he was doing. Months go by and she cut some hours out of work to have mor time with him. She slept in now since they go out so late at night. They go mostly to bars and kareokie. They sing late into the night, sipping on bar and munching on peanuts. She can't do friday nights with the girls anymore. Friday is their guitar class. They've learned to play Jack Johnson and John Mayer. Together they started volunteering at the homeless shelter and volunteering at church functions. He didn't go to church. He didn't care about religion. She grew up in church, a large white church with a cross for every car passing by to see. She used to go weekly but now that they were together it wasn't a priority. On occassion when they go he sits patiently waiting for it to end so they could go eat lunch. Even though he tried to aviod the church services he would gladly join in voluteering for any event they had planned. Holloween festivals in October, Thanksgiving feast in November, Christmas plays in the December, going to the shelter on Saturdays. He'd never been involved in church functions but it was fun, innocent-hard working fun. When weekends when there was nothing to do he would take her to the south end for canoeing lessons in the near by river. They walked together, hand and hand down the trail stopping occasionally for photo snaps. In a pink dress he bought for her, she felt beautiful. she felt confident.
Now she has arrived. Pulling into an empty parking space she turns off her car. Not wanting to move, not wanting to face reality. All of those times they had spent together...waisted. All of those pictures were burnt in her anger. How long will she feel like this? When will she be hole again? She looks at the gold medal she had hung on her reaview mirror. 1st place. He was there for that long day. 6am they piled in the van, her mom, dad, sister and of course him. They drove to the site where the marathon would be. Together they ran that race, side by side they kept each other going. He left her now...she couldn't think about it anymore. Grabbing a box of tissues she put her black heels on that matched her black dress; she got out of the car. Forever isn't long enough.
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