What we talk about when we talk about love

What We Talk about When We Talk about Love is about two couples sitting around the kitchen table talking about love. Mel is the main speaker who has been marriage to Terri for 4 years and the narrator, Nick, has been married to his wife for a year and a half. The four people are drinking gin and Mel and Terri talk about Terri’s first love, Ed. Terri claims that Ed loved her while Mel just thinks Ed was mentally disabled. “My God, don’t be silly. That’s not love, and you know it,” Mel says. “I don’t know what you call it, but I sure know you wouldn’t call it love.” “Say what you want to, but I know it was,” Terri says. “It may sound crazy to you, but it’s true just the same. People are different, Mel, Sure, sometimes he may have acted crazy. Okay. But he loved me. IN his own way maybe, but he loved me. There’s love there Mel. Don’t say there wasn’t.” The couple debates on what love really is and how could a man how loves Terri so much hurt her? Mel goes on to talk about how he hates his ex wife and struggles with the question of loving her so much when they were married but now he wants her to die. What changed it for them and why does love change so quickly? The question they struggle with is what is love really? How do you measure it and how is it defined? But as the story goes on they slowly get drunk as the night draws late.

The first time I read this story just as a story. It was intriguing but I never thought about it. As I read this story again and again I understood how complex it really is. We put love into this definition, just like Mel. He claims that love is just the typical definition whereas Terri claims that Ed loved her even though he threatened her. So when I read this it makes me personally wonder whether love is simply the typical feeling or it is something more complex. How do we know that what we feel is really love or is it just passion and desire? What makes us love for now and not forever? Mel used to love his ex wife deeply but then a few years later he can’t stand her. “There isn’t a day that goes by that Mel doesn’t say he wishes she’d get married again. Or else die,” Terri said. “For one thing,” Terri said, “she’s bankrupting us. Mel says it’s just to spite him that she won’t get marriage again. She has a boyfriend who lives with her and the kids, so Mel is supporting the boyfriend too.” How can we define which love is legitimate and which love is temporary and is there such thing as temporary love or is that just infatuation?

As young adults we are about to make serious and important decisions for our future. Who to marry and when do we know who to marry. People claim that the divorce rate in America is 50% and it goes up higher if you’ve been married before so as I read this story I wonder what love is really. As I look around on campus and talk to my fellow classmate I wonder who is in love and how long will they be in love for. Can love be a temporary thing yet truly love or is legitimate love everlasting? Is love this “you just know” feeling that I’ve been taught all of my life and does everyone get that feeling? If it is that “you just know it” feeling then what about the people who get married just because they have a baby together then over time they truly do love each other? I suppose love can be a gradual movement as well but then at the same time if you can gradually fall into love…can you gradually fall out of love. If so, is that really loved or is it just the thought or feeling of love? I have a friend who loves to be in love. I’m not completely sure what that really is but that is how people describe her. She has been so in love that she wanted to marry the guy, 3 months into the relationship. Here I am sitting on the side thinking that this woman is crazy but I can see how in love she is. They were glowing with “love” and they had so many plans and to me it was impulsive but who am I to judge what I don’t know. I don’t know how she feels. What if she does love this guy with all of her heart? There are crazy stories like that you know?! Crazy people getting married 3 months into their relationship because they “knew” it was meant to be and they have lasted. My pastor is one example, 4 months into the relationship “knew” they were meant to be and got married. So my friend is heads over hill for this man and I’m doubting the relationship. Is love irrational or does it follow a pattern? Going back to the story Ed used to beat Terri and she still claims it to be love. “He did love me though, Mel. Grant me that,” Terri said. “That’s all I’m asking. He didn’t love me the way you love me. I’m not saying that but He loved me. You can grant me that, can’t you?” So is this love or is this just an imagination of what she wants to be love? Now I go back to my friend how eventually broke up with her boyfriend after so many months and doesn’t even talk about him. He cheated on her with some chick from his school. Now you have to wonder where does love come from and how far does it go? He loved my friend but at the same time he loved this other chick and she loved him. After the break up they don’t talk, not even mentioned his name. So was that love? Does love come and go so easily? With all of her heart she claims that that was her love, but is that the correct usage or love or is love so simple that we look so deeply for a meaning that isn’t really there?